I'm not talking about burnout or any kind of crisis.
I'm talking about something quieter than that, and honestly, I found it hard to name when I went through it.
There was this monotony to my day. The kids were younger and I was a single mother working freelance and trying to fit in a relationship. It hit me when I looked back at the last few days and weeks how they all rolled into each other.
One day looked a lot like the next. I was busy and I kept up. As always I did what I needed to do because that is who I am, but somewhere in all of that, while life felt fine and there was nothing really wrong, I saw that I was just going through it. Going through the motions.
There's a particular kind of restlessness that comes with this. It's not loud. It just sits there, underneath everything, whispering that something is slightly off. That the days feel a bit too predictable. That you can't quite remember the last time something surprised you, or delighted you, or felt like it was actually yours.
Most of us don't stop to name it. We assume it's tiredness. We tell ourselves we just need a break, or a weekend with nothing in it, or to get to the end of a busy season. And sometimes that helps. But sometimes you take the weekend break and come back and the sameness is still there, waiting.
How much are you going through the motions?
- One day looks a lot like the next.
- I cannot remember the last time something surprised or delighted me.
- My days feel a bit too predictable.
- A break helps for a while, then the sameness comes back.
- I cannot remember the last time I deliberately chose something different.
- Mostly choosingYou are making more deliberate choices than you think. Keep noticing which ones feel like yours.
- Drifting a littleThe days are starting to run themselves. One small, conscious choice this week is enough to start.
- Going through the motionsYou have stopped choosing, gradually, and that is fixable. Write one small choice down. Then live it.
That’s when it hit me.
The problem wasn’t that I was tired. The problem was I had stopped choosing. Not all at once, just gradually, and so the days started running themselves. I got up at the same time, followed the same routine, ate the same lunches, had the same conversations. And none of it was bad. It just wasn't quite deliberate.
Here's the question I keep coming back to, and the one I want to leave with you today.
When was the last time you deliberately chose something different?
I’m not talking about a life overhaul or a big decision here. Just something small and conscious and yours.
A different route to work. A different way to spend an hour. Something you did because you wanted to, for you.
Two questions for you
- When was the last time you deliberately chose something different?It can be small.
- What is one small choice you could make this week, just for you?
I didn’t see it at the time but I had come up with something I now call An ALIVE List.
Now my only goal is to help women who feel a little fed up with the monotony of their day to figure out something small that will bring in joy. Just one small, deliberate choice.
Write it down. Then live it.
Small, deliberate choices to start with
- Take a different routeTo work, or to the shop.
- Enjoy some sunlightTen minutes outside, on purpose.
- Sing or humOut loud, for no reason.
- DanceOne song, wherever you are.
- Call a friendBecause you want to.
- RestWithout earning it first.
Find Your Next Step: The Direction Finder for An ALIVE List
If this sounds familiar, you do not need a five-year plan to start. One small, honest next step is enough. Our free Direction Finder asks a few quick questions and hands you a personal starter plan you can save or print, no account needed: find my direction.
What Should I Do With My Life?
Prompts to help you choose one small next step when life feels repetitive or you are unsure what you want.
See the guide →Part of our guide: An ALIVE List →
